A Story...

Is it easier to be selfish or to be accommodating? Well... it really depends on how you're built, genetically. Some are built to be selfish while some are built to be accommodating.

Today, I'm going to relate a story.... which can be quite lengthy... so if you have the time read  on, otherwise come back when you have the time or skip it altogether, up to you...

I received a call from my younger brother today telling me that he will soon be posted to work in the USA for about two years or more. I was happy for him but I also immediately started to worry about my mom as she would be in KL alone now. This means that I'll have to visit her more often which is not very convenient as I do not possess transport there or bring her over to the island which may be a good idea only for one visit or two at the most as there really isn't much to keep her busy here. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. But for now I'll have to tighten the budget even more in anticipation.

This got me thinking... my parents always told me that I was smarter and more intelligent than my two siblings. I can't say... I don't know. What I do know is that I think they both fared better than me in the GCE O Levels (SPM). When I was in primary and secondary school I was top in class for the first three years and after that I would somehow decline in my results. This was because I somehow lost interest. So, while they did better than me in the end result I have achieved things they never did. Top in class, number 2, number 3, last 10... been there, done that. I was very active in co-curricular activities. In secondary school I became the President of the Computer Club. None of my brothers were involved in computers then... just me.

One fine day, my late father sat us down. I was 19 then, I think... my elder brother is 3 years my senior and my younger brother 5 years my junior. My late father was about to get his EPF retirement fund. He didn't have a lot but it was enough for a down payment for a home to call our own. We had been renting all our lives. My uncle (mom's brother) was involved in a development and gave us the head's up that there were apartments available which we could afford. It was RM60,000.00 or thereabouts for a 860 square foot 'apartment'. The discussion my late father wanted to have with us was to get our agreement on this as he would not have been able to service the loan and the loan would have to be in our names as he had been jobless since I was 12.

Back then, my mom had imposed a ruling for us... it seemed cruel then but she explained that we would one day understand her rationale which we did... well at least I did... can't speak for the other two. She MADE us surrender half of our salary or RM500.00 (whichever was less)  when we started work. By the time this discussion took place I was at RM500.00 per month. My younger brother was still in school. SO my late father wanted our commitment. During the discussion it was learnt that the installment would be about RM550.00 per month. I did the 'smart' thing and pledged to take care of the installment although it was RM50.00 more but what the heck I thought. So it was settled... I took care of the installment, my elder brother contributed to my mom and my younger brother would follow suit when he started work. Settled... smart of me...  or I thought I was smart.

Some time later... before the apartment was ready, my elder brother met with an accident. In the accident his tibia and fibula were shattered and eventually got infected. They had to fix the 'antennae' thingy to hold his bones together. Eventually, when it had healed his leg was slightly shorter.  My parents went through a lot of hardship then. I never did pay attention to too many details then. Sometimes, it's better to know less. My late father and my mother claims till today that my brother lied to them when he said he never did get any compensation from the accident. We hired a lawyer to pursue the case but my brother claims nothing came from it. Anyway... I didn't get involved. During that period naturally my mom needed more cash every month so she would ask me for extra every now and then I would give whatever I could.

When my brother had recovered he decided that he wanted to pursue his studies. My mom said we couldn't afford it. He assured her that she wouldn't have to as the course he wanted to take was a sponsorship kind of thing. They would teach you  for a few months and when you finish they would find a company for you to work with on contract. The course was to study the Unix language. My mom then approached me with my brother's plans... when she started telling me his plans I already knew what the issue was... she then asked me if I could 'shoulder' his commitment... I asked her, Can I say No? She just kept silent. I told my mom I will help her with whatever extra that I can... I cannot pledge to undertake everything.

Off he goes to study and when he finished he worked for a company called Baan. He didn't contribute regularly as he told my mom that he just started work and he needed time to 'settle down'. So, I still had to give my mom extra every now and then. After a while he decides he wants to quit as he had a good offer to work in Brunei at a hotel as a Food & Beverage Manager. When I heard this I was fuming... I knew what was coming and true enough it did. Yet again, he didn't contribute regularly. Same excuse... settling down in  new place.... Yeah, right... his girlfriend had a perfectly stable job in the Shangri-La as a cashier and she quit to go over with him.

My younger brother had started work by then and was also contributing to the home. So it kinda eased things off me for a while. Then one day,  when I got back from work my mom told me that my younger brother wanted to study Unix as well. So... same story... she couldn't depend on my elder brother as he was inconsistent. As a brother, what can I say? deny my brother of an opportunity? Thankfully, my younger brother is responsible enough to do his part every month. He doesn't skip but he has given less on a few occasions which is absolutely fine by me.

 This was not the end... after some time, my elder brother quits there as well and came back to work in KL and this time I think he joined the IT giant and has been with them ever since. When he was in KL my mom could still squeeze some juice out of him due to the proximity but when he moved to Singapore, that was it... he would lapse for as long as 18 months... then give a lump sum of RM2000.00 and behave as though it was a big deed indeed. And then lapse again... and again...

When I had intention to leave the Shangri-La after working there for over 7 years as a permanent employee (11 with part time), my elder brother told my mom to tell me that i should consider furthering my studies. My mom conveyed the message to me... I told my mom... great idea... is he going to take over my responsibilities while I further my studies? That was the last I heard of that 'idea'.

All three siblings started their careers in the hospitality industry... I am the only one left in it. What I am is not by choice. I did what I could to help the family. Did the best that I could and just followed wherever my efforts took me. I would have really loved to learn more on computers. A lot of people assume that I am IT savvy due to my  two siblings teaching me... which they never did. Sometimes when I ask questions they don't seem to want to tell me. What I know of technology is all self taught and self acquired from the WWW.

I found out that my 'smart decision' back then wasn't smart after all. I can't tell the bank that I need time to adjust nor can I tell the bank that I have to give less. Now today, I pay for the installment which is no longer RM550 due to escalating interests, I pay for my mom's ASTRO subscription, her monthly RM500 allowance from me and also whenever she needs extra I would give. So, it has basically tripled... now... how can my parents claim that I am smarter and more intelligent than my two brothers?

A few years back... after being tired of hearing my elder brother's excuses my younger brother did some 'digging' and found out that my elder brother had a house... correction...  a bungalow in Johore which he wanted to sell and it was worth in excess of RM 1 million... we decided between us not to let the parents know.

So, when I learnt that my younger brother was going to be stationed overseas I was happy for him and I envied him as he had the opportunity to study.

So, what's the point of the story?

1. It's amazing how a person can change. My elder brother was never like this prior to the accident. My mom swears this is the work of my sister-in-law whom he met after the accident. Maybe so but I tell my mom that her favourite son made a choice. Some time back when I was in KL, I took my mom and my aunt our for some drinks and we were chatting. My elder brother was their favourite while my younger brother was my late father's favourite. Me? I'm dark, f-ugly, I don't smile and I don't chit-chat so how can I be anyone's favourite? The two Golden Girls admitted then that they bet on the wrong horse. I quickly changed the subject to avoid the tears.

2. Strange that the IT savvy one ends up stuck in the Hospitality Industry while the ones who are not end up in IT companies.

That's life I guess... the opposite of what you expect happens.

The positive thing about today's news is that my younger brother is doing well and my mom will soon have a chance to visit him there.... and the negative? I have an asshole of an elder brother. LOL.